Monday, July 30, 2007

Poop and the Big City

Someone shit in the stairwell that leads to the storage room of my apartment. I was putting my bike away the other night, and I heard my roomy yell from the balcony that I should be careful not to step in the doody. Sure enough, there was a messy turd on the concrete floor of the stairwell. I know it was a person, as opposed to an animal, who "dropped it on the deuce," as Whitney Houston would say, because there was toilet paper all around it.

How do I justify this on a Chicago blog? It's simple: Homeless people will not shit in my stairwell if I lived in the burbs. Sure it stunk to high heaven for the next couple of days I had to get my bike, and the flies circled around like, well, flies on shit. But, that's a little treat you don't get in the burbs: Authentic, urban, homeless, poop.

Today, I saw three of my hot neighbors in their kitchen as I was going upstairs, and one threw me the extended smile, like the, "Maybe you should come in and talk to us, dumb-ass" look. I had nothing worth opening the glass door to tell them, except, "Hey, I hosed down the poop in the stairwell. Don't all of you thank me at once."

I opted to just smile back, and go upstairs. When I have an opening that's not poop-related, I'll give it a go.

8 comments:

5 of 9er said...

Maybe we should take a trip to the burbs and take a dumb around some houses so they can feel the pains of the big city!

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

HAHHAHHAHHA! Great call, Niner. I'm in!!!

Jenny! said...

Are you fucking serious??? That is so disgusting! I can't believe those girls didn't jump you right then and there...shit I would...cleaning that up would make you my hero!

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Jenny: I wish they saw it that way. Cleaning up poop doesn't get you laid these days quite like it used to.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Does Whitney really say "dropped it on the deuce"? Wow. I have new respect for her.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Cherry: Drop it on the deuce!!! That's so much fun to say. Is that show on DVD yet? I smell a Liars Club Meeting/Whitney and Bobby Marathon.

FitnessNerd said...

Oh...my...god

I am still laughing

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Fitness: I was just reading over my old posts, because I'm a nacisist, and saw your comment. Thanks for coming by, and I'll be by your site shortly.