Thursday, September 20, 2012

Tae Kwon Flow

I went to an art show in the Ukrainian Village neighborhood of Chicago, which I pictured was a bunch of aristocrats in a giant white room, discussing paintings while loosely gripping their wine sifters, not looking at one another, just transfixed on what looks to the untrained eye to be a sloppy figure eight, but in reality you could bullshit your way through convincing someone it's a statement about America's caloric intake.  I really wanted to be that guy for the evening.  I even put on a (probably fake) velvet sport coat that a guest left in my old apartment a few years back.

It turns out it was just a hole in the wall bar with PBR on tap and a few paintings on the walls, one above the CSI pinball machine.  But this place was familiar to me.  Yes!  That was around the third and for sure the last bar I made it to the night of my first marathon.  When you run that much, a few beers can knock you on your ass, but I do remember being there because there was a stocky Latino and/or Black (can't remember for sure) guy sweating his ass off dancing around by himself tirelessly from one end of the bar to the other in a style that was equal parts rave party and Tai Chi.  He seemed to really annoy the bartender every time he would come within a few feet of him, but you can't really throw him out because he wasn't drunk or causing any trouble.  Dude just liked to dance.  He told my buddy HLP (Heterosexual Life Partner) and myself that it was his own brand of dance that he invented.  He didn't seem to have many friends.

Here is the shit hole in question.  An unlikely spot for a high class art exhibit. 

I texted HLP to ask him if Rainbo Club was the same place we went into that night with the silly man dancing around like the place like a sweaty karate raver.

"Ah, yes.  Tae Kwon Flow."

After that I just left because HLP made it clear that there was no way I was going to have a funnier night in that joint than that night. 

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Coming Soon to The Liars Club . . .

1. The Liars will all drink the shot of free whiskey offered at a bar called Stanley's . . .

2. The Liars will travel to a convenient store which, according to our good friend Johnny Choo Choo Train, sells loose cigarettes.

3. The Liars step into the new location of The Wild Hare, a famous Chicago reggae bar which often smells like the devil's cabbage.

4. Any other Chicago projects that you think they should undertake? 

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Rape HQ: FBI? This according to Downtown Whistleblower

Anyone ever seen this guy downtown? I've only seen him in the loop, generally in the vicinity of Daley Plaza. Today he was at the NE corner of Clark and Washington. He literally blows a double-toot on his whistle every minute, his sign says something about the FBI being a rape headquarters, and his yellow smock reads something about Obama and the American flag. The only thing I can figure out is that his hat indicates he's a dad. Luckily, my dad lives in California, so at least this dude's not related to me. But seriously, who is he and exactly what is he protesting?

As I stood across the street to take this picture I had other questions about this man (I probably looked like a creepy office worker, but I'm hoping I looked dowdy enough after the holiday weekend to look like a creepy tourist, but I digress...). For example, he is really tan from standing outside all day, so what SPF does he use? Does he use any sunblock at all?!? Where does he go to pee? Does he switch off between Starbucks and Lavazza? I need answers, people!