20 Things You Should Know About The Liar's Club

1. Once stripped down to it's underwear in front of the entire 5th grade class.
2. Ran away from home at the age of four.
3. When it was 7 it used to spin around in a circle desperately trying to turn into Wonder Woman.
4. Pretty sure has some form of Dyslexia.
5. Has a mostly irrational hatred of Matt Damon and a very rational hatred for the movie Caddyshack.
6. Will eat your tater tots, even when it tells you it isn't hungry.
7. Once broke a finger bowling.
8. At an ice rink while skating to "Hey Nineteen" by Steely Dan wiped out for 15 feet.
9. Hates the sound of erasers on a chalkboard.
10. Is incensed that "Sweet Home Alabama" is the song used in Kentucky Fried Chicken commercials.
11. Has a Mom that fancies the Crypt Keeper from "Tales from the Crypt."
12. Rolled 100 joints on the first day of its first job out of college.
13. When it was around 3 or 4-years-old it got its penis caught in the zipper of its zip-up, winnie the poo pajamas with the footies. (Yes, that's an awfully dorky outfit, and they were probably pink hand-me-downs, cause it has a big sister.) Being extremely painful, it distinctly remembers weighing its options: Endure the pain or suffer the embarrassment of having to solicit its mom's help. Anyway, it got mom's help, and the penis is 99% effective.
14. Secretly wishes it lived somewhere quiet like Iowa or Nebraska. (But not Kansas. Definitely not Kansas.)
15. When it gets a fountain soda, has to push the diet and other tabs on the lid, and if it forgets, then just knows it is going to have a shitty day.
16. Has not thrown up in public in, what, at least a month.
17. Has never been to the Liar's Club.
18. Sold every one of its paintings on the opening night of its first art show.
19. First stiffy directly related to sexual stimulation came at the hands of an episode of Benny Hill. There were a lot of women running around, jiggling in fast motion, so you really couldn't blame it.
20. Wants to be a monchichi or at least have one as a pet.