Lefko: the Martini Whisperer

Last week I attended a networking event at Bad Dog Tavern in Lincoln Square. I was stoked to be in my old ‘hood and met some cool people. A few new connections I made were recent Chicago transplants. One guy I met had recently stumbled upon what is now his new favorite bar: Blue Stem Martini Lounge.

Our group of five jumped into a cab and headed south to this place. Now I had heard of this bar before, but had never been. Upon arrival, the place was dead. But it was by no means lacking character in the form of Lefko: the bar owner and martini concoct-ress.  We sat down at the bar, and she greeted us in a raspy, smoker, south-side voice. 

Me: Wow, there are so many choices, I don’t know what I want!

Lefko: Ok, honey, what do ya ordah when ya go to da bar?

Me: I’m a beer girl.

Lefko: Ok, I’m gunna make ya something called the Clee-ah. [Makes drink, and pours out a sample in the martini glass] Give it a try, honey.

Me: Wow! That’s delicious!

Lefko: I know, I know...[pours the rest of the martini into the glass]

Me: You’re like, the “Martini Whisperer”!

Lefko: Oh gawd, you-ah too sweet!

And so we drank martinis and played songs on the jukebox for a few hours. I had the bad misfortune of picking one of my favorite childhood songs that has a cowboy singing the N-word (not the reason why it's a childhood favorite, mind you), and that song just happened to come on when the only other patron of the night enters the bar. Did I mention he was black? Poor timing, Urbanist, poor timing.

You can read more about Blue Stem Martini and Lefko in these yelp reviews.

Liars Club Contributor Updates

We have some new authors at The Liars Club: Oates and Urbanist Chic.  The two of them, along with founding member, Dr. Kenneth Noisewater, will start updating you with funny and interesting things and people in their fine city of Chicago very soon.  To be up and running again is exciting news, so we hope that you will come by for some laughs, whether you're a Chicagoan or a person who just enjoys goofy stories told by goofy folks.

It's a shame that the other three founding members are no longer contributors at The Liar's Club, but since I know you're all curious, we will share with you what we do know about those wonderful Liars . . .

Classy and Fancy is Macarena instructor.  She is finding it hard to find patrons, what with it being such an outdated dance and a fairly simple one that doesn't require much instruction, so to supplement her income, she is moonlighting as a Lambada teacher. 







The last word we got from The Cherry Ride, he was following his dream of constructing his dream home out of bricks of Velveeta.  We're told that he spends a lot of time at home because that's where he is happiest, but when he does make trips to pick up necessities, he goes in the panda suit that his grandmother knitted for him.

Five of Niner has been keeping a very low profile for quite a long time, but one member of the Liars staff was quite sure they spotted him working as a roadie (slave) for the band Gwar, wearing a loin cloth and firing the crapapult at Gor Gor.  We hope this is true because he would be quite happy with that dress code, since a loin cloth was what he preferred to wear in his cubicle around our office, despite numerous talks with HR about his "ball slips."


Who knows, with the original Liars still being admins, we may see the day when they hit us with some updates, but we think you'll find the new Liars Club contributors to be equally insane, so don't be a stranger . . . 

Stream of Ganciness

On  today's run, I was thinking these sort of rambling thoughts:

That Dylan McDermott is an asshole because he was mostly naked like 10% of that show in much better shape than me despite being older than me, and he made me go for a run and pull-ups and sit-ups.  Then again, I'm glad I'm running now because I had that beef sandwich.  That I'm burping up now.  Shouldn't have gotten the hot peppers.

I know I don't listen to enough new music, but they just don't make albums like "OK Computer" anymore.  Hell, Radiohead makes really good music these days, but even they don't make anything anywhere near as good as this anymore.  It's kind of like sports where you can't possibly make your best work past a certain age, that is without performance enhancing drugs.  Roger Clemens threw harder at 40 than he did when he was 20.  There is no equivalent of that in rock.  If Roger Clemens had a rock band, maybe called "Rocket," even if they were good, the stuff he put out in his 40's wouldn't be nearly as good.  Sure, you can make good music in late adulthood, but it just won't have that power, angst, edge, evilness, and sexiness that it did in your youth when you were young and crazy.

Hold that note, Radiohead, I gotta hit pause and hear what this saxophone guy sounds like in this tunnel.  Hmmmm.  Sounds like he's just tuning up or something.  And it smells like piss.  I know these guys probably get better acoustics in these tunnels, but why don't they just play in the open air?  How can they stand that piss stench?  Maybe the stink makes them blow a little hint of the blues into their horn . . .

The best song by the oldest possible guy was "Harvest Moon" by Neil Young.  I'll have to look up how old he was when he recorded that one when I get home.  Maybe blog about it.  Eh, who am I kidding; there's no topic in that.

Keys That Work and Gray Rat Tails That Don't Work Nearly as Well

I went to the locksmith shop around the corner to make a duplicate of my car key because I had a scare recently when my key fell off my keyring, and I couldn't find a spare. One finally turned up in the Jack Daniels box full of junk in my junk drawer, of all places, but it seemed like a good time to back my shit up.

The shop around the corner boasts, "Keys that work." Really? As opposed to ones that don't open a damn thing? The guy who works there is nice enough, his shop looks like nothing has changed in fifty years, he has all kinds of nick knacks like ceramic cats and embroidered religious messages, and all this seems just fine to me, I suppose - But here's what is really out of whack: He turned around to make my key to reveal in the back of his head a . . . a gray rat tail! It's not like he's like fifty, and is holding onto that look. He's like seventy and doesn't dress, look, or act the least bit punk or redneck. It's just . . . weird.

Oh well, Gray Rat Tail. Keep buzzen' up those keys with your weird hair cause it's characters like you that make this the best city in the free world.

Roller-Dumby

I was turning right through an intersection of Roscoe and Western when I nearly hit some dumb, tall, gangly, kid who was trying to cross the street while trying to skate backwards on his roller blades, badly, with a big, stupid smile on his face. It would be one thing if he were one of those speedy shirtless guys on the Lake Shore Drive path, but this kid was swerving all over and nearly falling down. Couldn't he have practiced that maneuver when he was not restricted to the few feet that the crosswalk allowed for?

This was right outside of Lane Tech High School, an institution that has been rumored to have been opening the gates to less qualified students in recent years. This dumb-dumb may have been proof of this.

It's Fine

I saw a sign for a Chinese place called Wok's Up, and their tag-line was "fine Chinese cuisine." Could it really be that "fine" with a name that stupid? Maybe so, if they meant it like this:

Guy 1: Hey, have you been to that Wok's Up place in that strip mall on Sheffield?

Guy 2: No. Any good?

Guy 1: Yeah, it's fine, I guess.

Linda

I know this blog has become a shell of its former self. To be honest, it never really got off the ground. Well, it was intended to be fun blogs about things directly or loosely related to things in Chicago, and I thought this exchange of emails would be perfect. They are between myself and my good friend, who if you're a long time reader, you may know him as Heterosexual Life Partner (HLP).

HLP: Do you remember the name of that italian restaurant that you went to on Ashland? May try that place Tuesday night.

GANCER: Fiorentino's, like Linda Fiorentino, the chick with the husky voice from Jade, Men in Black, and Vision Quest, the 80's wrestling movie with Matthew Modine where he is working out, trying to drop weight, and they play that Lunatic Fringe song in the background that we used to hear on 103.5 The Blaze on our drive to high school.

Why can't I use these powers for good instead of evil . . .

Oh, and the movie and the love affair therein was also featured in the video for Madonna's Crazy for You.

ANYWAY, the restaurant is super good, family owned, the staff is great, and they have a gorgeous heated outdoor area. Also, you can park your car by the radio shack.